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I wake up with
gauze in my mouth, wounded
from the inside out. I am the
kind of patient whom a doctor fears
and forgets his handshake for, in
his haste to finish smiling.

the days fly before me
like magpies, coughing more than
me, thick and
black. rebuking in its irritation,
rattling with longing.

all around me they are falling to their
knees and still I wave
my dogged red flag. when I am
tired of living I will stop. this seems
like a reasonable statement, but
when I spat blood in the
sink, they kept fixing the plumbing.
I am in fact suffering from bronchitis right now, and my spirits keep fluctuating. I want to do more than this, than I have the energy for right now, and sometimes it comes dangerously close to "I want to be more than this," which is the wrong train to jump on.

If I can keep writing I'm happy.
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ihaveastory Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2009
Your bronchitis has proved a great poem. :)
Fledgist Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
I like the ambiguity of " and stillI wave/my dogged red flag" with its implications of both socialism and tuberculosis.
sunshinegypsy Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2009  Professional Writer
I have chronic bronchitis. One time I was working as a camp counselor in Florida and I got sick, coughing blood, etc. They were irritated with me, so I was like, fuck it, I'll keep working, but they were more irritated with that. They didn't know what to do with me, so I ended up sleeping on a couch so the kids didn't have to see and no one had to be bothered. Me, alone on a moldy couch with cockroaches climbing the walls, unable to get to a doctor because no one could drive me, coughing blood. I was 19. I never told anyone about that because it seemed so hard to explain. And yet. Here.

I'm 25 now, and I hadn't thought of it in years, but here, finally, someone who knows. You have no idea how good that feels. I hope you feel better. I hope you feel better for so long that you forget what it's like to not be able to breathe. That you stop waking up in the middle of the night just to inhale deep. That you write poetry and love every single moment of it.
mySeity Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2009
Wow. I got the shivers, reading that. I've had mine for a week and it's been the worst feeling ever, just not being able to talk properly and having to work through it all and people thinking I have swine flu or something. I can't imagine having it long-term! What happened with you sounds absolutely awful. I'm glad the poem could connect with you like that.

And thank you for those well wishes. They are the best ones I have heard in a long, long time. <3
sunshinegypsy Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2009  Professional Writer
:heart: People tend to think, oh bronchitis, that's nothing. But it can really be awful. Not breathing is a terrifying, miserable feeling.
moondrunk Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2009   Writer
i thought i had bronchitis once
but after your statement
maybe it was just dusty in the room:matteo:
sunshinegypsy Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2009  Professional Writer
:D A lot of times it's not that bad.
Ataropa Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2009
<3 it's beautiful

also I hope you get better soon!
mySeity Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2009
thank you! :)
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June 22, 2009
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